A new dad, excited to welcome his baby girl, turned to the internet for the best dad jokes, preparing for the day his daughter can roll her eyes at them.
“Although my daughter can’t talk yet, I want to be ready to embarrass her with my jokes in front of any waitress, boyfriend, or teacher,” he shаrеd.
Here are some of the top dad jokes that were shаrеd:
**The Classic Fortune Cookie Conundrum**
Whenever my dad opens a fortune cookie, he says, “It says ‘Help! I’m being held captive in a fortune cookie factory!’ We have to help this person!” He’s been doing it for 30 years, and now he’s trying it on his grandkids.
**Egg-cellent Humor**
Dad at breakfast: “I’ll have bacon and eggs, please.”
Waiter: “How do you likе your eggs?”
Dad: “I don’t know, I haven’t gotten them yet!”
**Sock It to Me**
Dad: “Do your socks have holes in them?”
Kid: “No.”
Dad: “Then how’d you get your feet in them?”
**Graveyard Giggles**
“Why do graveyards have gates? Because people are dying to get in.” My dad always told it passing a graveyard.
**Reverse Flashback**
Dad, putting the car in reverse: “Ahh, this takes me back.”
**Bar Bump**
Three guys walked into a bar. You’d think one of them would have seen it.
**Restaurant Rumble**
When I’m at a restaurant and the waitress says, “Do you wanna box for that?” I always reply with, “No, but I’ll wrestle you for it.” It makes me laugh, and that’s the point, right?
**Earning Cremation**
“Anyone can get buried when they die; if you want to be cremated, you have to urn it.”
**Elephant Evasion**
“You know why you never see an elephant hiding in a tree? Because they’re very good at it.”
**Cemetery Stumper**
Dad: “Did you know that the people living nearby can’t be buried in that cemetery?”
Kid: “Why?”
Dad: “Because they’re not dеаd yet.”
**Anti-Depressant Theft**
“Someone broke in last night and stole all my anti-depressants. I hope they’re happy.”
**Shady Trees**
At the park with my girls: “Dad, can we go play?”
Me: “Sure, just stay away from those trees over there.”
Girls: “Umm… okay, why?”
Me: “I don’t know… they look a little shady to me.”
**Gym Jargon**
“I haven’t been to the gym in so long I’ve gone back to calling it James.”
**Fish Frustration**
“What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? ‘Dam!’”
**Affair Fiasco**
My dad once said he’d been having an affair. Deadly serious, he told me it’s not worth it. One time she told him to come over because nobody was home, and when he went, nobody was home. It was a joke.
**Mime Abduction**
“I was abducted by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.”
**Cheap Chicken**
Dad at lunch: “Do you have anything cheap? Because I’m not that hungry.”
Waiter: “Maybe the chicken strips for $6.”
Dad: “Well, maybe it does, but that doesn’t help my hunger.”
**Pregnancy Pun**
Wife: “I’m pregnant.”
Husband: “Hi pregnant, I’m Dad.”
Wife: “No, you’re not.”
**Pride and Joy**
My dad: “This is my pride and joy, my only son… I think.”
**Dad Joke Criteria**
“How do you know when a joke is a Dad joke? When it’s apparent…”
**Weekend Wishes**
When someone says, “If I don’t see you again, have a great weekend,” I respond with, “What kind of weekend should I have if you DO see me again?” It cracks me up every time.
**Haircut Hijinks**
Students: “Did you get a haircut?”
Me: “Nope, I got them all cut. Thanks for noticing.”
**Wingless Wonder**
“What do you call a wingless fly? A walk.”
**Norwegian Finish**
Waiter: “Are you finished?”
Dad: “No, Norwegian.”
**Nothing Left**
Dad, reading the paper: “Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?”
Me: “No.”
Dad: “Well, he’s all right now.”
With these jokes, this new dad is well-equipped to make his daughter laugh and groan for years to come. Thanks to the internet, he’s already off to a great start in his journey as a dad. Here’s to many more laughs and cherished moments ahead!
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