I was stunned when my husband, Jake, handed me a schedule to “help me become a better wife.” Instead of losing my cool, I decided to play along, knowing that Jake was about to learn a valuable lesson about marriage.
In our relationship, I’ve always been the level-headed one, while Jake tends to get caught up in things—whether it’s a new hobby or some YouTube video claiming to change his life in three simple steps. We were fine until Jake met Steve.
Steve was the kind of guy who thought being loud meant being right. He’d steamroll over anyone who tried to correct him, offering unsolicited relationship advice despite being perpetually single. To my surprise, Jake became enamored with Steve’s confidence and started parroting his toxic ideas.
I didn’t worry at first. But then Jake’s comments started to sting. “Steve says marriages work best when the wife takes charge of the household,” or, “Steve thinks women should always look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.”
I’d brush it off with a sarcastic remark, but it got under my skin. Jake was changing. He’d roll his eyes if I ordered takeout instead of cooking, or sigh when I didn’t get around to the laundry because, you know, I have a full-time job.
Then one night, Jake sat me down with “The List.”
With a tone I’d never heard before, he slid a piece of paper across the table. “You’re a great wife, Lisa, but there’s room for improvement,” he said, oblivious to the dangerous territory he was stepping into.
I looked at the paper: “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife.” It was a detailed schedule dictating my every move, all based on Steve’s misguided ideas of what a wife “should” do.
According to this list, I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. to cook Jake a gourmet breakfast, hit the gym, clean, do laundry, and cook dinner every night—all before or after working a full-time job. It was sexist, insulting, and downright absurd. But instead of blowing up, I smiled.
“You’re right, Jake,” I said sweetly. “I’ll start tomorrow.”
Relief washed over his face. He had no idea what was coming.
The next morning, I sat down at my laptop and created my own list: “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” I mirrored everything from his schedule, but added a few adjustments. A personal trainer to keep in shape? That’ll be $1,200. Want me to cook like a professional chef? Our grocery bill just skyrocketed to $700 a month, and Jake might need to take a cooking class, too.
Then came the kicker. If I was going to dedicate myself to being a “perfect wife,” I’d need to quit my job. So, I added my annual salary to the list: “$75,000 to replace Lisa’s income since she’ll now be your full-time maid, chef, and personal assistant.”
I could barely contain my laughter as I imagined Jake’s reaction. The final touch? A $50,000 expense to build him a separate “man cave” so his friends wouldn’t disrupt my new, perfectly structured life.
That evening, Jake came home in a good mood—until he spotted the list.
“What’s this?” he asked, confused.
“Oh, just a little guide I made for you,” I said sweetly, “to help you become the best husband ever.”
As he scanned the first few lines, his grin faded. The numbers, the demands, the absurdity of it all hit him hard. “$1,200 for a personal trainer? $700 a month for groceries? And… wait, you’re quitting your job?”
I crossed my arms and leaned against the counter. “How else am I supposed to follow your plan? You wanted structure, right?”
The realization dawned on him. His smugness vanished, replaced by panic. “I… I didn’t mean for it to be like this. Steve made it sound reasonable, but now I see how ridiculous it is.”
I nodded. “Exactly. Marriage isn’t about one person being ‘better’ than the other. It’s about mutual respect. If you ever try to ‘improve’ me like this again, you’ll be paying a lot more than what’s on that paper.”
Jake’s face softened, and he sighed deeply. “I’m sorry, Lisa. I got carried away. You’re right—Steve’s advice was toxic.”
We tore up both lists together, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like we were on the same team again. This whole experience reminded us that a strong marriage isn’t about perfection; it’s about growing better together.
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